I’m shivering. The sun has gone hiding behind a cloud, and is soon to be set anyway. I’m wearing a sports sweater and pants, but the coolness of the mountain evening gets to me. I was warned that it would be chilly in Xela, but I had not expected to feel cold.
It is my first night in Quetzaltenango, and second night in Guatemala. I do not know how I feel or what to think. Except cold. I feel cold.
The hostel that I am staying at the moment, Casa Argentina, would make most of my friends turn around at the door. It’s very simple and ascetic, but has a Guatemalan touch; meaning there is no heating or insulation. Since the temperatures tend to drop below zero at night, I am fretting what is to come. I have three blankets in my bed, but I doubt they will be enough.
I’m feeling melancholic enough to almost want to return home. But just almost. However I’m well aware that this time travelling might be very different. I can’t quite get a hold of the feeling, but it makes me restless. I’m hesitating, and I rarely do. Hesitating whether the choices I have made turn out to be okay in my life. It’s a strange feeling, since I’ve never had it before.
I feel a stranger in this country. Which I am, of course. But a stranger in my life too. How to process that feeling, I do not know. Should I embrace it, or fear it? Accept it or get rid of it?
I feel the course of my life might change a lot during these months to come. To where, how, and what is the result, makes me wonder. For the first time in my life I feel somewhat lost at what I really want, or what should happen. It’s a feeling I want to welcome, because it’s a chance to grow and learn. But processing it is difficult.
But now. Time to face the inevitable: the night of Xela.
- - - Next morning - - -
I didn’t die! I didn’t freeze! And I slept well, wearing a fleece and long pants and covered with three blankets.
Fresh mountain air wakes me up immediately and I don’t feel tired like usually in the mornings. My thoughts from yesterday seem to be gone – at least for now. Just taking it one day at a time.
"I remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Chasing stars :)
ReplyDelete